drayden can definitely throw one of the royal-est tantrums you can ever witness. everytime he hollers and forces his tears to trickle down his fiercely shut lids, i fear if i am on the way towards raising a spoilt brat. oh boy, this boy gives a whole new meaning to creating a scene. these days, he doesn't hold back on his emotions and doesnt think twice about telling you exactly how upset he is! if you were passing by, you'd think i've just pinched him blue or slapped him hard across his chubby cheeks.
every parenting book i've read, parenting magazine i've flipped through and parenting forum i belong to, talk about the "terrible twos" and the "tantrum threes". no one, and i mean no one, talks about the "outrageous oh-my-effing-lord out-of-control ones" a parent goes thru before reaching those two much talked about stages.
yet, every single book or article i read about disciplining a child talks about "talking it out" or "explaining" or "rationalising" to the tantrum-ready child why he or she is denied his or her demands. there's that need to "identify their emotions"...and "helping them to deal with their anger"...blah blah blah, but how do you get a wailing toddler (aged 14months) to stop bawling his eyes out and shrieking at the top of his lungs and listen - much less understand - that having EIGHT gos on the Bob the Builder ride is enough already?
i've read enough parenting books and magazines on discipline to know what to do when a tantrum hits me: pick him up, exit scene, and bring him to a secluded area to calm him down. and sometimes, the distraction method works for us. but other times, this boy can sure go on and on. and the adage "out of sight, out of mind" certainly doesn't always apply!
in the beginning, noel and i do our best to refrain from always saying "no" to drayden. instead, we try to use more "feeling" sentences like "please don't do that" or "that's not very nice", but when you have a hurricane in your hands, and the things he does usually ALWAYS catches you at the least expected moments, screaming "NO!" is undeniably the most convenient and most likely reaction.
so much so that, now, whenever he does something wrong, or is about to do something cheeky, he looks at us, wags his index finger and goes "na, na". (and then he does it anyway. sigh...). alas, what we've been trying so hard to avoid has happened. i can just foresee the days he runs screaming "nooooooooo" at every single request we put forth.
sometimes, if we're lucky, we get a very obedient dray, who will relent when we say "give" or "keep", who will understand when we say "let's go" and even wave goodbye to the Bob the Builder ride, and who will not pursue matters when we say "finish" and throw away the bottled soya bean drink.
but then there will be days we end up buying that darned pack of eight AAA energizer batteries he grabbed at the checkout counter and wouldnt let go, days that we have to peel his fingers off the Bob the Builder steering wheel and walk away with him pointing furiously at the ride, shrieking with tears streaming, and there are also days daddy has to run and get another bottled drink only to find out all he wants is to hold the bottle cap in his hands.
making everyday parenting decisions gets tougher these days, and you get so stressed with the possible repercussions. if i give in and let him be on his feet in the store now, will it give rise to struggles in future when i can't put him on the floor in other stores? if i take him out of his stroller because he wants to be carried now, will it mean i will never be able to reason and convince him to sit in the stroller again? if i relent and let him have another go on the ride, will it mean i will never win any future Bob-the-Builder-battles? if i give him his yoghurt now because he demands for it, will he never listen when i say "later" or "wait" next time?
noel and i try to both be firm and consistent with our rules and boundaries, so drayden will know there's no running to mommy when daddy says "no", and vice versa. but we do have our disagreements with what we each think is okay. like, i think its okay to put dray down on his feet in the mall, but noel thinks not. so when i'm out with dray alone, he's free to roam, and when we're out as a family he's more restricted...therefore some struggles to break free are encountered. mistake number one.
then there's that fact that noel thinks its okay if he doesnt finish his breakfast and runs off and play, but i think its important he cleans his bowl. so mealtime with daddy is more fun, and when its with mommy, its accompanied with much whining and struggling. mistake number two.
so yeah, i guess we both have to learn to be consistent with drayden. i really do wish to avoid raising a spoilt and ever-tantrum-ready boy. and i really do wish to avoid another oscar-deserving performance in the middle of the shopping mall, the next time i tell him i am positively out of one-dollar coins.
one thing's for sure, i look forward to the time dray exits the one-year-old period, nevermind the fact i am entering the "terrible twos" and nearing the "tantrum threes". at least i'd be able to hold a meaningful conversation with him, and getting him to understand my point and dealing with his dramatic scenes could possibly be less of a losing battle.
times like these, i wish my boy would grow up sooner.
